About Liz

I am an SIM MK, and I attended Kent Academy and Hillcrest (Niger Creek Hostel) in Nigeria. I graduated in 1978.

Patrick’s Story, and an Opportunity to Help

Recently a former MK contacted me to tell me about his struggle with traumatic experiences in his past, and his goal to get a psychiatric service dog to help with his symptoms of PTSD. There is an opportunity to help if anyone is so inclined.

Patrick Murphy led a whirlwind life while he was growing up. His parents were with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). Beginning when he was in grade school, he lived in Haiti, Japan, the Philippines and Indonesia. This doesn’t count time spent living in Hawaii while in training. In Penang, Malaysia, Patrick went to a boarding school called Dalat.

Dalat was originally a Christian and Missionary Alliance boarding school. In 1999 C&MA decided to close the school and another group took it on, turning it into an independent school that serves the ex-pat business community in Penang. Dalat shares a history of reported abuse along with other Alliance boarding schools such as Mamou Alliance Academy, which was featured in the documentary “All God’s Children”, Bongolo School in Gabon, and Zamboanga School in the Philippines.

While living in Indonesia as a young teen Patrick survived several near kidnappings and was mixed up in transporting drugs for a local mafia, during which he witnessed the killing of a close friend. He was living on the island of Lombok In January of 2000 when thousands of Muslims rampaged through the towns, wielding machetes and torching Christian churches. Patrick and his family had to flee the country. A few days after the riots Patrick and his sisters were sent back to Penang to attend Dalat.

Patrick did not do well at boarding school, and was assaulted by a teacher, so his parents sent him back to the States to live with an aunt in New York until the whole family returned a year and a half later. The life-threatening violence and fear that Patrick experienced growing up had a lasting effect on him.

Patrick is now a husband and father, and still suffers the crippling effects of PTSD. He experiences flashbacks, panic attacks and sudden speech impairment. He and his wife heard about how beneficial a psychiatric service dog can be for people in his situation. A psychiatric service dog is different from a regular service dog, and can be very expensive to raise and train from a qualified breeder. Health insurance does not cover these costs, and it is difficult to find help if you are not a veteran. 

Here are Patrick’s own words  “For those unfamiliar with the process of getting and training a service dog, it is a very expensive journey to pursue and health insurance does not cover any of the costs, despite the fact one must legally qualify in order to have one. Many who qualify for psychiatric service dogs struggle to get one because there are no resources for those who are not veterans. It is expensive to adopt a service dog candidate from a breeder with a proven track record and even more expensive to pay for the 2 years of training it takes to fully train a service dog. We knew this when we first embarked on this journey last year and have trusted that God would provide, as he has always has.

With the coming news of a puppy being born in May, we are reaching out to ask for support. While it is humbling to do so, we truly believe this is the right path to take to for me and for my family. We are hoping to raise $3400, which is a little over half of the costs of adopting a service dog candidate puppy and 2 years of training.

Cost of adopting our service dog candidate puppy: $2500.

Cost of service dog training over the first 2 years: $4000

We are hoping to raise this support by June 25th. Would you be willing to bless us with your support?”

Patrick has a fundraising page at http://www.gofundme.com/servicedog4patrick. You can find a lot more details there about the costs of the dog, plus a link to his family blog and a way to contact him. He explains the many ways a psychiatric service dog can help in a panic situation. I actually think I need one to ride with me on elevators! Can you relate to Patrick’s story? Feel free to comment and ask questions here.

Understanding Grief as an MK

As missionary kids we have a history of abuse and/or abandonment.  If it didn’t happen to us, we saw it happening to someone else.  We were not unique among the children of the world. No matter where you go there are plenty of children living in horrific situations.

One thing that does make us unique is that when we were barely young adults, we were thrust into a brand new culture. This required a tremendous amount of energy to learn how to adapt and fit in. Perhaps it is being handled better today, but in my time there was little support for MKs moving to their home country. I personally experienced zero support from SIM when I was a young adult, and I know the same is true for many of my classmates. During the decades required to assimilate the new culture, childhood traumas were sent off to some remote part of the brain. These did not go away, they were only forgotten temporarily. Many MKs of my generation – 40s, 50s and older –  are finding that the past memories are bubbling back up to the surface.

The questions I hear often boil down to this: how can we leave the trauma of our past and move ahead into recovery and growth? I don’t have the answers. I am in the thick of it with the rest of you. However I do know that a predominant feeling we have as MKs is that of grief. We are still grieving the loss of our parents, our brothers and our sisters. We grieve the loss of innocence, the lack of justice, and the opportunities that we lost because of our struggles.

You probably know about the five stages of grief, a series of steps that a person walks through to come to terms with a great loss in their life. This theory was developed by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, which was first published in 1969. Even though stages or steps sounds like something you would walk through in order, Kübler-Ross maintained that this is not necessarily the case. They can happen out of order, and they can happen all at once.

The stages of grief are important to MKs because we must pass through some or all of these feelings on our journey of healing. This is what some of the stages might look like for an abused or neglected MK.

Denial: Based on my belief that all SIM missionary kids who attended boarding school either experienced or witnessed abuse or neglect, most of them are still in the stage of denial. Denial says we were the luckiest kids in the world, and hushes up anyone who brings up bad memories. We all agree there were good times, but denial insists they were ALL good, and if they weren’t good they were at least for our own good. Denial ignores or chastises MKs who talk about abuse. It is a fairly recent thing that we are finally seeing open discussions on social media about the pain and loss we experienced.

Anger: If a large portion of MKs are stuck in denial, anger runs a close second. It is easy to spot the anger by reading blogs, forums and Facebook pages focusing on abuse. Sometimes it is like a smoldering ember, sometimes more of a burning rage. MKs are angry at their parents who sent them away, at the missions who encouraged this and then mismanaged the boarding school, at teachers and dorm parents who ranged from cold and uncaring to downright cruel, at God who we were taught had ultimate control over our lives, and even at each other. There is so much unresolved hurt from those years. If we were thrown together in a room with our classmates, and were perfectly honest, we would all find that we were the victim of one person and the tormentor of someone else.

Bargaining: This is a negotiation with a higher power, and an attempt to gain some control over your situation. You want things to go back to the way they were before your loss. For us this might be loss of love and relationships in the midst of many moves. It could be loss of education and jobs due to the culture shock of coming back into your home country and not having support. It might be many years of lost opportunities due to depression, addictions, or just unfamiliarity with the culture and an inability to function. We might attempt to bargain with the mission to get some compensation. More often we make promises to God, the Universe, or whatever you consider to be your Higher Power. There is always something we can lay on the bargaining table. This line of thinking leads to a seemingly endless cycle of “What if” and “If only” queries, as we attempt to rewrite the past in our minds.

Depression: I believe depression is the most widespread legacy of our boarding school experience. This is also a common result of abuse. I know many who go through serious bouts of depression today. I myself have struggled with depression. It is an extremely difficult condition to overcome, since it isolates and paralyzes a person. Once you are in it, it is almost impossible to get out without help from outside.

It was surprisingly common for some of us to have suicidal thoughts when we were young. Some still have them today. Sadly there are SIM MKs who have committed suicide.

Acceptance: I suspect that what many MKs claim to be acceptance is actually denial. If you haven’t felt the loss and experienced the anger and the sadness, I seriously question how you are at peace with your boarding school experience. Granted some were worse than others, but every child in that school either experienced abuse themselves or witnessed abuse of one of their classmates. I know this is true because I saw it happening right out in the open on almost a daily basis.

That being said, I believe there are MKs who have successfully processed their grief and moved to acceptance. If this is you, I would love to hear from you. What was your grief experience? What kind of help did you have to move through these steps?

When you are in it, grief is a desperate and hopeless feeling that seems as if it will never end. I have to cling to the belief and the promise that there is an end to the long, dark night. Not just any end, but a glorious end. The morning will come and with it joy, that elusive fruit that always hangs just a little too high on the tree.

“For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

Read a Letter from SIM International Director to MKs

A dear friend and fellow MK who attended Kent Academy messaged me the other day to see if I had seen this letter. It came to her from simroots@sim.org. As you can see it is addressed to all SIM Mks. I never received a copy even though I thought I was on the Simroots mailing list. Have you seen it? I decided some of the SIM MKs who read this blog might not be on the distribution list either.

At any rate, you can read the letter below. There is an email address where you can send comments, Katrina.Conley@sim.org. Katrina is an executive assistant at SIM International Inc. I encourage every one with an opinion to write to Katrina. It is rare that we get a contact from SIM who will actually communicate with us about this subject – believe me I have tried over the years. If Dr. Bogunjoko is willing to do this it is a gift!

To all SIM MKs:

Please take time to read this special message of gratitude from Dr. Joshua Bogunjoko, International Director.

Celebrating You | 5 December 2016 | Founders’ Day

Dear children of missionaries past and present,

On December 4th, every year, the SIM community worldwide celebrates as a Day of Prayer the arrival of the first Sudan Interior Mission (SIM) missionaries in Lagos, Nigeria. This year I am calling on all of SIM, in accordance with our Founder’s Day practice, to set aside Monday, December 5, to give thanks, to celebrate and to pray.

This letter is for you if you are a child of missionaries past or present, from any of the missions which flowed into SIM over the years, whether your parents served during your adulthood or childhood, and for any duration of service. This year’s thanksgiving, celebration and prayers is for you. Your personal contribution to the making of disciples, indeed, to the emergence and growth of the church in all corners of the world, is as incalculable as it is invisible. Therefore, on this Founders’ Day, the SIM worldwide community is pausing to affirm and acknowledge the remarkable role you have played. We celebrate and give thanks for you.

Perhaps you have not been privileged to glimpse the result of your parents’ work, to experience the joy of seeing the fruit of their labour. I assure you that their labour and your sacrifice have never been in vain. That I am the one sending this letter to you gives testimony to that fact. I committed my life to Christ while attending a mission school established by SIM, where I was discipled by a missionary. As a product of SIM ministry over many years, and now not only serving in SIM but leading SIM globally, you can rejoice that your contribution and your experiences have never been in vain. Christ has the victory. I, and millions of others like me, bear testimony to this victory. Because of you and your family, many more, like myself, can understand God’s good news. Thank you.

You were born into a family that, in the course of your life, carried the gospel to others, and this necessitated personal sacrifice, which I acknowledge by this letter. We celebrate with gratitude your service alongside your parents. Often the focus of mission work is on your parents and their cross-cultural ministry. However, at times you bore the weight of the calling of God on your parents’ lives; thus you have made sacrifices that may have gone unacknowledged by anyone. All children are impacted by their parents’ vocation, whether in missions or not. Yet the impact of a missionary vocation on a family is unique.

We acknowledge your own commitment and contributions to the work that was done or is being done by your parents. Perhaps you were active in the work in tangible ways, or you accepted situations into which you were entrusted that allowed your parents to do their work. You may be one who has experienced suffering or adversity, perhaps from separation from your parents at an early age. Some have had close encounters with diseases, natural disasters, civil unrest, or other hazards. We acknowledge the price that you may have paid so that the gospel of Christ’s saving grace can be preached to a dying world.

We celebrate your victories. While growing up in cultures that were not your parents’, many have gone on to use those experiences as stepping stones to greater things. Many of you have achieved remarkable things for yourselves, your families, your communities, for the church and for the gospel. For some, growing up in another culture was not always positive; for others, it is one of the greatest gifts from their parents. I hope this is your experience, and even if not, I am thankful that you are still with us to see the result. We celebrate your accomplishments and the accomplishments of MKs all over the world.

Many of you have gone out as missionaries, taking your own children along. Many more have contributed to ministries or to the local communities into which God has placed you. We celebrate your contributions, your resilience, your grace, your hope. Your unique experiences are almost impossible to explain to those who never walked in your shoes. You are often misunderstood in both your host culture and in your parents’ home culture. Yet this you have endured with determination, a sense of humor, and ultimately with renewed grace. We celebrate you today as one of “our” MKs, as one of our masterpieces created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for you to do. I want to personally thank you for the blessings that you and your family have been to many.

Here are some ways that the mission family will be in prayer for you on December 5:

  • We pray for renewal and the refreshing presence of the Lord in your life today and always.
  • We pray that the light of the gospel may shine radiantly in your life and that the Lord will fill your life with joy as you remember the path of your life as an MK and the outcome of your and your family’s sacrifice.
  • We pray for God’s victory in your life and in all your endeavors.
  • We pray for God’s lavish blessing over you today and always.
  • We pray healing for the hurts that you may have suffered or still suffer, and healing from the pain.

With gratitude for you and for all that you have endured for the gospel.
In Christ,

Joshua Bogunjoko
SIM International Director

Comments and replies may be directed to Katrina.Conley@sim.org

International Leadership and Services
1838 Gold Hill Road, Fort Mill SC 29715.

My thoughts about this letter:

Dr. Bogunjoko is the first SIM International Director to come from a Nigerian and ECWA background.  He has a background as a healer, both physician and surgeon, as well as a Master of Arts in Leadership and Management. When I go to the SIM web site and look at his photos I see a man with all of the qualities I love about Nigerian people, a warm smile, a caring face and a joyful attitude. I am encouraged that he is thinking about and acknowledging MKs, especially acknowledging that not all of our experiences have been positive. He mentions suffering for a variety of reasons, culture shock and the fact that some of us are still in pain. This is true. Seeing that these things exist is a good start, but I feel he doesn’t completely grasp the reasons why there is still pain.

It seems to me that he gives MKs a much more active role in their parent’s ministry than they really had. The personal sacrifice he talks about was made by parents. They sacrificed their lives, their jobs, in some cases their vocations, even their own families as many of them left behind parents and siblings who died while they were overseas. They also sacrificed their own children, by sending them off to be cared for by other adults who did not know them or love them.

MKs did not sacrifice, we were sacrificed. This was a passive thing, which we did not choose and had no control over. No MK that I know had a choice in whether to go to boarding school at age six, whether to then leave those friendships to spend a year (a lifetime at that age) in another country on furlough, and then get uprooted again to have to form completely new friendships at the boarding school in the first country. This was not a result of any commitment or contribution on our part. All these decisions were made for us by parents and mission personnel who chose to sacrifice children for missionary work.

So to reiterate, we do not carry pain from choices and decisions and sacrifices that we made. (Although I think there are a good many SIM missionary parents out there who still feel that kind of pain.) We feel pain from things that were done to us. We did not and still do not “accept situations into which we were entrusted.” As children we were powerless to make a decision about where we were sent, and there was virtually no choice left to us at boarding school, as even attempts to communicate unhappiness back to our parents was censored and discouraged.

While SIM is celebrating those MKs who have achieved remarkable things and many victories, I wonder if they are also willing to embrace and celebrate the ones who are struggling with life, even into middle age and beyond. I am talking about those of us who suffer from depression and panic attacks, who are unable to form emotional bonds with others, who have shut out any relationship with God since they blame Him for their pain. Those who live every day with addictions they can’t shake, and those with terrible parenting skills who are passing on the pain to their own kids. What about the MKs who have spent years in prison, those who have taken their own lives or think about suicide as a way out, those who are homeless or have never been able to keep a job? These are the people who are rarely heard, never celebrated and most in need of healing.

Is SIM willing to acknowledge the MKs who are not examples of victorious and successful living? Those who aren’t contributing or resilient, who have no hope, who may no longer even believe in God? Is SIM, a company that specializes in communication, willing to try to communicate with these MKs?

When We Were Young in Africa by Carol Claxon Polsgrove

“O waste of lost, in the hot mazes, lost, among bright stars on this weary, unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.”

― Thomas Wolfe, Look Homeward Angel

Carol Polsgrove was born Carol Claxon in Kentucky, in the 1940s. When she was three years old her parents signed on with the Southern Baptist Foreign Mission Board. They applied to go to Hawaii, but God had other plans and they were invited to Africa. Carol’s story begins as the only child aboard a Norwegian ship on the vast ocean, bound for the Gold Coast.

I should tell you right here that this is not a story about abuse, even though I am featuring the book on my blog about abuse. It is, however, a story about loss and grieving and sacrifice, things all of us MKs can relate to.

MKs often feel like fractured people, with many different lives somehow stitched roughly together. Very often the pieces can’t fit at all, the edges rub painfully, and one or more of them must be cast away completely. This way we lose a part of our life and a part of ourselves. This book shows a journey that begins to fit those parts back together to make a whole person.

Carol has a fantastic memory not just for events but for the underlying feelings and sensations she experienced as a child. This is supplemented by letters written by her parents to their families in Kentucky, and by her own letters written from boarding school. It wasn’t until after her mother’s death that Carol really began to explore these memories. Until then she had played the game so many of us missionary kids know, fitting into American society as best we can and not mentioning “that part” of our story.

The Claxon family started out living in the Gold Coast, a British colony that would become present day Ghana. From there they moved to Nigeria, and then frequently around that country, living in Iwo, Oyo, Ibadan and Lagos. Carol also went school in Oshogbo, and every three years they traveled back to spend time in the United States. It is the familiar story of a nomadic existence that doesn’t allow attachments or friendships to form.

You can feel the richness and beauty of Carol’s life as a young girl growing up in Africa. This was a country full of rocks to slide on, trees to hang from, fairy pools, bright flowers and foliage and tropical fruits ripe for the eating. Many of the hardships that bothered her parents, like dust, insects and snakes, were just considered a part of life, and the way things were. Many find this concept hard to grasp. I still get people today remarking on how strange and wonderful it must have been to grow up in Nigeria. Nope, not strange at all. It was normal life for me.

It took years of experience, an adult viewpoint, and a look at the correspondence of her parents for Carol to realize the veins of sadness and sometimes desperation underlying their lives. Each of her parents on separate occasions received letters from home telling them one of their own parents had died. The family suffered chronic pain with a lack of health and dental care. Superhuman demands were placed on them by a workload that seemed like enough to keep several families busy, and by their account was placing them at times under “terrible strain.” Trade offs had to be made in order to survive on a very limited amount of money in a world that kept getting more expensive. Her brother Billy fell ill at the early age of four months, and suffered with severe illnesses for the rest of his childhood.

I think many of our missionary parents suffered similar hardships of an overworked schedule, constant travel, lack of health care and the stress of adapting to a tropical lifestyle. It is a credit to them that many of us kids had no idea what they were going through. They managed to create a stable and worry free home life for their children, in spite of their own duress.

Carol spent two years at Newton, a Southern Baptist boarding school in Oshogbo. On the surface her time there seems full of activity and enrichment, packed with lessons, plays, music, boyfriends, sports, and an active social life. It took some digging into the memories to uncover the hidden feelings of confusion, over-stimulation and loss of control. I can relate so much to the whirlwind of going from a solitary life as the only child on a mission compound (my sisters were both older so I was left at home for two years) to a highly structured school with hundreds of classmates and lots and lots of rules.

If you are from a Southern Baptist mission, or are in any of the Nigerian MK groups on social media, you will recognize many of the names of Carol’s playmates and classmates.

One of the casualties of the lack of health care was that Carol was not properly treated for an eye condition called strabismus. Because her brain is unable to fuse two images coming in at different angles, she has no depth perception. As an adult she reflects that this is “an appropriate disability for a girl growing up on two continents.”

The majority of MKs will go on at length about how fortunate and blessed we all are, and how rich our experience as children. This is true, but it denies the other side of the story, which is that every missionary and every MK necessarily experienced great loss and sadness, and sometimes worse. It is a tough journey to fuse these parts together. I appreciate Carol so much for her truthfulness and transparency as she tells her story.

 

The Years the Locusts Have Eaten

Today (Saturday May 14) I added some information to the post about the Pii investigation. I realize it was a long post to begin with, but if you scroll down the page you will find the new paragraphs are in italics and easy to spot. They are in the section titled “The Timeline of Abuse”.

Have you read the report? If you are a woman, if you have a daughter, if you are an MK who ever had to negotiate medical appointments alone or submit to the authority of other adults when your parents should have been there, this will hit you close to home.

While I was reading I felt fear, anger and heavy grief washing over me. Fear for the girl who begged her family not to make her go see Dr. Ketcham for an appointment. Grief for all the girls trapped and overpowered by this man in examining rooms and bedrooms over decades. A burning anger at the grownups that didn’t open their mouths, and protected an abuser. Anger at the men who humiliated the 13/14 year old victim by forcing her to travel to Bangladesh and confront her abuser, forcing her to sign a confession, and telling people she was a willing partner.

How much more must the victims themselves be feeling these emotions as they reread their stories? It is a necessary thing to tell these stories publicly, but I can imagine it reopens doors which these women have worked very hard to keep closed.

We don’t hear a word from the abuser at the center of the story, who refused to be interviewed by Pii and to my knowledge has been silent on the matter. Another silent group are the missionaries of ABWE. None will be a public advocate for these MKs. Are they still afraid of what the mission will do to them if they speak out? Can anyone possibly still believe that the ABWE leadership has the authority to tell people what is right and what is wrong?

I have commented in the past about the same thing with SIM missionaries. When the subject of abuse comes up in social media, MKs always have a lot to say, but the missionaries are quiet. Is this the group of people that is tasked with boldly going into the world to spread the good news in foreign countries? And you can’t even weigh in or give support to your own children in a grave matter of sexual, physical, spiritual abuse? All of you silent missionaries, are you sure that you are in the right profession?

Fellow MKs, now is the time when our sisters from ABWE can really use a kind and encouraging word. One way to start is by visiting and liking their Facebook page, and leaving a message or comment.

Sisters, I pray you will have a deep peace, and feel these wounds begin to heal. You have done your part to tell this story, and it is told. What happens next depends on ABWE. What they decide to do about this matter is no reflection on you and your worth. It is only a reflection on them and only they will now be held accountable.

Claim the promise in Joel 2: 25-26.

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten –
    the great locust and the young locust,
    the other locusts and the locust swarm–
my great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
    and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
    who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.”

Pii Wraps up Investigation of Donn Ketcham and ABWE

At long last Professional Investigators International (Pii), the organization hired to investigate abuse of Dr. Donn Ketcham on the Association of Baptists for World Evangelism (ABWE) mission field, has released their report. This detailed and thorough 280 page document has already been sent to survivors, and is now available online for the general public to view.

At the heart of this story is Dr. Donn Ketcham, a pedophile who used his medical position and his standing in the missionary community to sexually abuse young girls and missionary women in his care. Wrapped around this man are layers of other missionaries who protected him over the years with lies, deception, false blame and humiliation of victims, preferential treatment and covering up evidence.

Eighteen of Ketcham’s victims who had been abused as children and five who were abused as adults contributed to the report. Twenty three of the allegations they brought were affirmed, meaning there was at least a Preponderance of Evidence (or even better proof) that they had taken place. These were the victims who came forward and had corroboration, and does not include allegations that couldn’t be backed up. There were more victims who decided not to testify. Also the report mentions there is no investigation yet of Bangladeshi victims (there is alleged abuse), victims from other missions and organizations where Ketcham worked as a doctor, and victims from the United States where he taught Sunday school and carried on a medical practice until his license was revoked in 2012.

For anyone who still believes missionaries, especially missionary leaders, are more spiritual, more holy, less sinful than the rest of us, I urge you to read this saga about the cover up by the leadership, Board of Directors and legal council of ABWE. These people acted just as if they were running any other large corporation that was in danger of losing it’s funding and its reputation. In spite of their facade of righteousness, and “walking in Christian love and holiness” (according to their own Statement of Principle), they acted as a most unholy group of people. This was not just one or two at the top. The Pii report lists seventeen ABWE personnel who failed to follow the mission Principles and Practices.

Folks, just because a mission lays out some inspiring statement on their web site, and claims to have a Godly code of conduct, that doesn’t mean the missionaries, including the leadership, are actually following it.

The Timeline of Abuse

Ketcham and his wife “Kitty” were accepted as ABWE missionaries in 1961. His family already had a history with the ABWE. His father, Robert Ketcham, was a founder of the General Association of Regular Baptist Churches (GARBC), an organization which was the chief contributing funder of ABWE for decades. This gave Donn Ketcham a tremendous amount of prestige based entirely on his name. His status as a doctor put him on a pedestal in the missionary community, and according to testimony in the report he was charismatic, a gifted speaker, the ideal missionary, and “smooth as silk”.

Ketcham had two documented extramarital affairs with other missionary women, neither of which caused him to be dismissed from the mission. The first was in 1972. Fellow missionaries confronted him about his behaviour and notified their supervisors all the way up to the president of ABWE. Right after this Ketcham and his wife went home on furlough. While on furlough he was required to undergo a minimal amount of counseling, while at the same time participating in mission leadership conferences. At the end of the furlough he was able to return to the field. The woman involved in the affair was not allowed to return.

When Ketcham returned to Bangladesh in 1975 there was a spike in the number of incidences of inappropriate medical exams of young girls and women.  I won’t go into the details of this but some pretty outrageous things were going on at the Malumghat Hospital.

This is even more outrageous because of the environment there. According to one of the victim/survivors, Dr. Ketcham did not have private offices where he could conceivably get away with these acts and not be seen. This took place in a small mission hospital with doctors, nurses and patients always around. The bottom line is many of his co-workers knew what he was doing and didn’t say anything. This included an American OB/GYN who worked there during the 1970s, saw that Ketcham was doing pelvic exams and breast exams on teenage girls, knew this was NOT appropriate medical practice, and said nothing about it. This man, Joseph DeCook, is especially culpable for his silence because his medical specialty gave him insight that Ketcham’s behaviour was very wrong.

In 1984 Ketcham began his second affair. When it was discovered, the woman was sent home from the field. Ketcham and his wife were removed from the hospital and sent up to a station called Chittagong, several hours away, as punishment. This didn’t last though, as he frequently made trips down to fill in at the hospital in Malumghat where he had worked before.

During the period of time he was living in Chittagong, Ketcham preyed upon and abused the young girls who were living on that station. ABWE effectively sent him off to a place where he had a fresh selection of victims. As one victim/survivor from Chittagong puts it, “His punishment sent him to Chittagong where he got his hands on me.”  Shame, shame, shame on all the adults who withheld information and made the decisions that allowed this to happen.

During his next furlough ABWE again required Ketcham to go to counseling, but the counselor was not up to the task of managing this manipulative man. He only attended about half the sessions before he was pronounced “cleared for duty”. When he went back to Bangladesh he was reinstated as a doctor in the hospital at Malumghat.

Shortly after this return he began abusing the 13 year old daughter of a fellow missionary, and this continued for 6 or 7 months. After the girl returned to the States, at the age of 14, she reported this abuse to the pastor of her church, who contacted ABWE. What followed is an incredible story of mismanagement and humiliation of the victim by the leadership of ABWE.

The girl’s parents were still in Bangladesh, and she was apparently attending a Christian school in the States. Russell Lloyd and Russell Ebersole of ABWE met with the girl in Russ Ebersole’s home for several days.They interrogated her to determine if she was telling the truth, and pressured her to sign a confession statement. They claimed afterwards that the statement was hers, but for a number of reasons outlined in the report it appears to have been written by one of the adults there. Then the three of them boarded a plane to Bangladesh where she would be forced to confront Ketcham and, believe it or not, ask for his forgiveness for her part in the “affair”.

This was all done without the knowledge of her parents, in fact she was not allowed to spend time alone with them until she had “confessed” in front of a group including the abuser. The emotional pain a 14 year old girl would have suffered in this situation is enormous.  Her parents were not told the true facts about the case, that this was not an “affair” but a rape, until years later.

This was finally enough reason to dismiss Ketcham and his wife “Kitty” from the mission. However no report was made to police or his licensing medical board about his wrongdoing. No effort was made to determine if any other MKs or Bangladeshis had been abused by this man. Fellow missionaries on the field were told in no uncertain terms that the matter was closed and THERE WAS TO BE NO MORE TALKING ABOUT IT. No assistance or counseling was given to the victim or to her family, who had just suffered such a traumatic experience.

Ketcham was required to tell his supporting churches that he had been terminated from ABWE, but it was agreed that he would say it was for “immorality”, and the impression was given that it was only an adulterous affair. This meant he was allowed access to a whole population of potential victims in churches and his medical practice after he returned to the states.

The victim in this story and many of Ketcham’s other victims tried for years to get ABWE to investigate and report these crimes. ABWE launched an internal investigation of the abuse, which dragged on for almost 10 years and produced no evidence of a cover up and no more consequences for Ketcham. Things did not really start moving until 2011 when the MKs published the blog called Bangladesh MKs Speak. (This site is now called “Child Abuse by Missionary Doctor”)  Hooray for the voice of social media! The publicity of the blog prompted a wave of firings, including the president, members of the Board who were serving in 1989, Donald Davis the legal counsel, and Russell Ebersole.

A few months later, ABWE hired G.R.A.C.E., the same organization who investigated the Fanda school of New Tribes Mission. They ultimately fired G.R.A.C.E. just before they were due to release their report, and accusations went back and forth between the two organizations about what went wrong. I wrote about this in 2013 on this blog. ABWE then hired Pii, or Professional Investigators International.  After a tumultuous struggle with individuals in ABWE who were withholding information, Pii was successful in publishing their report.

ABWE Corporate Counsel Robert Showers (of Showers and Simms) and his Liaison Nancy Anderson went out of their way to withhold documents, hide evidence and misdirect the investigators. It wasn’t until these individuals were removed and replaced with new Corporate Counsel, Bryan Cave LLP, that ABWE began to cooperate and provide thousands of pages of documents to the investigators which had previously been withheld. The report states that Bryan Cave LLP provided “most” of the missing documents that were requested. It is mentioned several times in the report that Pii still has never received certain pieces of evidence.

At the end of the report they list some root causes of why this horrific behaviour was allowed to continue in the ABWE culture for decades. Some of these are specific to the times, and others I believe are common to many missions and still prevalent today. Here are some attitudes and beliefs that are commonly held within mission communities and the churches that support them.

  • an attitude where authority cannot be questioned
  • ministry is the top priority at the expense of individual needs
  • women are considered of lesser value and their status and opinions hold less weight
  • a belief that missionaries are more “spiritual” than the average Christian
  • a class system on the field based on importance of profession, in this case a doctor being given more esteem than others
  • a culture of naiveté that abuse doesn’t happen in Christian circles
  • a culture of repressed information, confidentiality and imposed silenced
  • a conflict between the principles of a faith based entity and the proper business practice of running a corporation
  • activities of the mission are more important than the needs of the children

                       “There existed a prevailing attitude toward children relative to the ministry and to adults. Ministry activities were more important than child needs. Children were not to interfere with or block the “ministry”. In fact, children were “sacrificed” so that the ministry would not be “discredited.” This, in part, led to blaming a child for what was, in truth, the responsibility of an adult. This also led to children not speaking up about what was happening to them. The children saw much that the adults missed.”

This last point is at the heart of the treatment of MKs who have suffered at boarding schools in missions around the world.

Where will ABWE go from here?

As comprehensive as this report is, it remains to be seen what ABWE will do with it. New Tribes Mission gets very poor marks for the followup to their investigation of the Fanda school which was completed by G.R.A.C.E. in 2010. Missionary kids from New Tribes are still struggling with the mission to investigate abuses at other schools besides Fanda.

What will be the consequences for the ABWE missionaries listed in the Persons of Interest summary of this report? There are allegations of abuse from other missionaries besides Ketcham. Will these be investigated? What kind of support and/or compensation will be given to the many victims and parents who suffered as a result of this ABWE missionary’s actions and the failure of leadership to remove him from the field?

How will ABWE fix their Child Safety Policy which was not considered adequate at the time of the investigation? How will they correct the underlying attitudes of their mission that have created an environment where this could happen in the first place? Running an investigation and bringing the problems to light is only the first step in what must be a process of complete cultural change.

Read the complete story for yourself.

I have only scratched the surface of the details in this report, which is now available as a pdf that can be downloaded.  You will find the link at the below. However if you are a victim of sexual abuse yourself or have children who were abused you should be aware that this is a disturbing document and could be a trigger.

Here is a link to the pdf of the full report which is made available by Pii.

You can also download the pdf at the Bangladesh MK blog site.

How Reconciliation Works: Video Interview with Patrick Doyle

This video interview about reconciliation and forgiveness was posted on the “A Cry for Justice” web site. Here are some of the main points:

Forgiveness is between the victim and God. Reconciliation is between the victim and the abuser, and is not a requirement. It depends on four actions by the abuser:

  1. He/She must be convicted by God. (Not by the offender, or the police, but by God)
  2. He/She must have a Godly repentance.
  3. He/She must offer a true confession. The victim will know if the confession is true.
  4. He/She must ask for forgiveness. (By the way, the Director of a mission asking a blanket forgiveness for all offenders is not the same as an offender himself asking for forgiveness.)

True contrition for an offender equals “I have no rights.” It results in changed behaviour, and this is how the victim knows there has been a change.

The victim might be slow to believe a confession, if they have a long history of being harmed many times. This is part of the price the offender must pay.

God must be the one to convict an offender, and as we let God do this, we set boundaries, putting the offender out of our lives if necessary. If you are at an impasse with an offender, find your safe boundaries.

Christians are often under incredible pressure and guilt to reconcile with an offender. This is wrong. It is harmful to a victim to reconcile before the offender has met the four steps above, and note that the process begins with a true conviction by God.

This video is targeted more toward relationships, especially marriage, than sexual abuse against children. However, the nature of forgiveness and reconciliation is the same, and many who suffered abuse as a child have ongoing problems with abusive relationships throughout their lives.

 

Learn About “The Green Dot” Violence Prevention Through MK Safety Net Webinar

Imagine a school where a boy is chased down by a mob of other boys, where students are called out of the dining room and return with welts on their legs from strapping, where kids are publicly shamed for things like wetting the bed or leaning back on the legs of their chairs. Hundreds of missionary kids have grown up in boarding schools where those things and worse took place every day.

I would like to think that things are much different today, but stories from New Tribes and ABWE MKs tell us missionaries are still working hard to cover up abuse that happened in the not too distant past. Because missions are so good at keeping these things secret and silencing victims, we really don’t know the extent of abuse that happened in the past, or whether it is still going on today.

Now imagine a school where staff and students watch out for each other to make sure everyone is safe from violence. Staff are empowered to intervene if they witness abuse by other staff. Students keep a protective eye on one another and are allowed and expected to speak up when other students and even staff are seen committing violent acts.

Mk Safety Net Canada, a faithful advocate for missionary kids who have experienced abuse, is partnering with the violence prevention group Green Dot. They plan to provide a program tailored to missions which will train participants to identify and intervene when they observe interpersonal violence. The Green Dot model of violence prevention has been used in a long list of high schools, universities, military bases and community organizations. You can see this list on their website by clicking on their name above.

Green Dot will adapt the method to the unique situation of mission agencies, which are closed communities with a history of not reporting abuse to outsiders. They have had a good success rate working with similar groups in the past.

The goal of the program is to train people at every level of the community, so that they are engaged, proactive bystanders and potential witnesses to violence, and can actively intervene. This sounds like something that is really needed in mission boarding school settings. How many of the staff at Kent Academy, over the years, were witnesses to violence and abuse, but looked the other way?

Green Dot and MK Safety Net Canada are offering an informational webinar on March 3, 2016 at 2 p.m. EST to introduce the program and give interested parties a chance to join in the discussion.  To find out how to participate in the webinar contact MK Safety Net Canada at MKSNCanadaGreenDot@gmail.com.

Read a letter by MK Safety Net Canada board members, introducing this program in more detail.

 

 

 

SIM Missionary Terminated for Child Pornography in February 2015

Some parts of this post were updated on May 27, 2015.

In February of this year Jordan Root, an SIM missionary to Asia, was terminated after he admitted to watching child pornography during his time on the mission field.

Mr. Root told SIM International representatives that he was sexually attracted to pre-pubescent female children and had been viewing nude photos of children on the internet during the time of his service with SIM. Since this is a serious breach of the SIM Child Safety and Abuse Response Policy, the representatives recommended that his service with SIM be terminated. You can read a letter by Jason Hazell, the SIM International Child Safety Coordinator, regarding the dismissal of Jordan Root.

Apparently SIM did not file any criminal charges. According to a letter from The Village Church to their covenant members on May 23, SIM notified the police to see if any laws had been broken. Possibly The Village Church also notified local police. Local police brought in the FBI, but their investigation resulted in no charges being filed. Federal law prohibits the production, distribution, reception, and possession of an image of child pornography. What about viewing it online? States have their own laws and interpretations. I guess they couldn’t find enough on Jordan Root’s computer to prove he had broken any laws.

Eric Ernst, the SIM Director of Personnel, wrote to the friends and supporters of Karen and Jordan Root, explaining the situation. Jordan Root claims he did not harm any children, but we all know that even the act of viewing child pornography is harmful to children. As Mr. Ernst points out, we can’t rely on Jordan Root’s own judgement as to whether or not he has harmed anyone.

Karen Root filed for an annulment of their marriage on the grounds that Jordan misrepresented himself and induced her to marry him by fraud. The annulment was granted by the State of Texas. When Karen informed the couple’s sending church, The Village Church at Dallas Northway, of the annulment and her intention to resign from her church membership, they urged her to reconsider so that both she and Jordan could remain “under their care.” They refused to accept her resignation and began disciplinary proceedings against her, still insisting she should be under their care, as you can read in a creepy letter by TVC Pastor Matt Younger.

Again according to The Village Church, SIM gave Karen a six month leave, but then required that she reconcile with TVC before she can return to the mission field. They state that Karen withdrew her request to return to the mission field rather than submit to the counsel of SIM and TVC. Can’t blame her, when I read the persistent texts she gets from a TVC pastor even after asking them to stop. It is nothing short of stalking. I don’t know what communications she has had with SIM.

Meanwhile Jordan Root seems to be still at large, living in Texas where he is a licensed professional counselor. The Village Church has rallied around him and declared that he is repentant, minimizing the events and even doing their best to keep them quiet.

Karen Hinkley (formerly Karen Root) is asking that anyone with any knowledge of child abuse by Jordan Root come forward. Mr Root worked with young children in numerous capacities over the years, and you can find a list of this history on the Watch Keep blog.

 

 

 

 

MK Safety Net Conference 2015: Journeying Together

Did you attend, or wish you could attend, the MK Safety Net Conference in Chicago last year? You’ll be happy to hear that the time has rolled around again. You can register now for the 2015 Conference, which will be held in Atlanta, Georgia.

This is a gathering for adult MKs and TCKs who have experienced abuse, and also for family, friends and others who are involved in this ministry. The organizers hope to create an authentic environment where abused MKs can share their stories. They also want to affirm the support that is offered to abuse survivors through MK Safety Net, and help them connect with resources they can use. Last year’s conference was a huge success. You can read some of the comments from attendees on the MK Safety Net web site.

The conference will be held at Dolce Atlanta-Peachtree Conference Center in Atlanta, Georgia, on April 17-19, 2015. The conference cost is $150 ($125 for early registration) and there is an additional cost for the hotel room.

Wm. Paul Young, MK and best-selling author of The Shack, will give the Friday evening opening address. Boz Tchividjian will speak on Dealing with Institutions. Joanna Colrain, a Trauma Recovery Counselor, will speak on Recovering from Trauma. Finally, Ivan Fleishman, a Psychologist for abuse victims, will speak on The Effects of Abuse on Families.

There will also be breakout sessions, on these topics:
• Topics covered by the main speakers
• Legal options for abuse victims
• Creativity in the healing journey
• Recovering healthy spirituality after abuse in a religious setting

You can register for the conference and find a detailed schedule here.